Do you still have partner problems and can\’t seem to find a solution? Do you feel that you have reached a point where you cannot solve the problem? Do you feel that there is a problem with your conscious choice of partner or with the partner itself? Thinking over and over again about what you should have done, what you told yourself to do, and where the cause actually lies, usually doesn\’t solve anything. We need to start with the subconscious.
During the first three years of life, the parents are the entire world of the young child. Virtually the entire world unfolds from the parents and their love for each other. And this is where the problems begin. It is as if we were given a drawer labeled love at birth. We put everything that happens in our relationship with our parents in that drawer. We can\’t distinguish whether someone doesn\’t love us, hurt us, or treat us ideally. We don\’t even know what that ideal is. We cannot recognize the double entendre, understand that “he didn\’t mean it,” or see that someone is in a bad mood and how he treated us is of little concern to us.
So when someone treats us badly as a child, we automatically put it in our love drawer, and as adults we expect that if someone loves us, they will automatically treat us that way. And as adults, we come to expect that if someone loves us, they will automatically treat us that way.
So if you find yourself or a friend constantly looking for a restrictive and violent partner, first look at what kind of childhood you actually had. Did you witness violence in your family? Did your parents ever restrain you? Did they spare or not show you affection? Only when you realize this and are able to deal with it will the men you attract into your own life begin to change.
If you don\’t remember anything from your childhood, talk to your parents and ask them directly. They may not tell you directly if anything bad happened, but you can read a lot between the lines.
It is never too late to start dealing with your problems and unresolved feelings.